Monday Special – By popular Demand – Tofu and Non-Peanut Peanut sauce (Vegan)

Lat night we had an Autumn Eqinox potluck and celebration at my friend Kathy’s house. Which, was fabulous by the way. I want her back yard… and will pay someone else to keep it 😉

So for this, we where asked to bring a dish of food, a few people there are vegan or vegitarian so I tried to plan around that.

I made Tofu and Peanut Sauce as a main dish. Not only was it popular in the taste department, But the HUGE question was “HOW do you cook Tofu!” So. With out making you all wait until a friday that it comes up. I bring you – A Tofu Special!

This post > A Beginners Guide to Toe-Food Was super helpful a few months back in helping me understand Tofu. It is a mysterious food that many people like, but do not know how to make them selves. Its not really a flavor, as much as a texture.

So i went to the store (It was Walmart, Slay me) and I grabbed TWO things of EXTRA FIRM Tofu. Brought them home. And opened them. Poored out ALLL the liquid. Patted tem dry with a paper towel, squeezing a bit. and then set them up on there end to drain some more. I came back thirty minutes later and poored off about another inch of fluid. and patted them dry again.

The recipie I used (find off of pintrest)

So i made the maranaid sauce. And then I read the line where it said Marinate for 2 hours… It was 4:45pm and I had to leave at 6:20. Not happening. I should have listened to mom when she said read ahead (That requires fore thought and planning. Both abilities, I dont have…. ) So I marinated for 1 hour.

Michelle Said to cut them smaller next time so they marinate and fry better. Noted Michelle.

Then I pan fried them. They needed to be fried longer, but I was running out of time. So I fried until golden brown.

Took them out and drained on a paper towel

And then put them on the serving dish ready to go

The peanut sauce I made with Wow-Butter a non peanut alternative (I am allergic to peanuts). I added 1/4 of a cup of soy sauce and 1/2 of a cup of water. I heated it over low heat in the pan and mixed until it was well melted and mixed.


There was no left overs… and the peanut sauce ended up on EVERYTHING – Bread, carrots, cookies, crackers, etc etc etc. It was a hit 🙂


The Spoon Theory – My spoons

The Spoon Theory, original post

I have an invisible illness. I dont ‘LOOK’ sick. But I am. I can function fairly well off of medications, and I have for almost 3 years now. Recently though, I have decided to go back onto them and I am trying to find a new dr in a new town (that is an ENTIRELY different post).

I HAVE to have at least 10 hours of sleep, if I can have 12, I am better off. This isnt much of an option, not getting that cuts my ‘spoons’ short. I dont go out and party or stay out late because of this. I am at home, reading usually.

My Anxiety, is cruel, and if I push it too far and keep doing things that make me anxious? I will work myself into a full blown attack.

My Depression will flare up at the most inconveint times as well. And it comes from pushing my self to hard, and insisting i keep going even though my body clearly says NO.

Anxiety and Depression are the ways that my illness shows through most often. Well, at least the ways that I know I have over done myself, I dont know about what others see first, ask them.

This past week and into the weekend, I tried my hardest to twist, bend, stretch and melt a metal spoon.

I came home monday to a clean home, who my wonderful family had cleaned for me so I could rest. I have undying affection for small things such as this. They bought food to feed us, so i didnt feel like I had to cook. Today, I was able to rest and do not much. At the end of this day, I feel rested and I can do the rest of the week.

When you see someone who is just a little more stressed then normal, or has an illness you cant see, it doesnt mean it is less real. You just cant see it on the outside. I promise you if you saw me sunday evening, you would have ‘gotten it’.

Abuse – Intimidation

This covers – Jealousy, Stalking, Possesiveness, Threats, Invading personal space, Use of size, voice or other to frighten.

Jealousy – Jealousy is a sign of insecurity and lack of trust, but the abuser will say that it is a sign of love. The abuser will question the victim about who they talk to, accuse them of flirting, or be jealous of time spent with their friends, family, or children. The abuser may refuse to let the victim work or go to school for fear of meeting someone else. The abuser may call the victim frequently or drop by unexpectedly. The abuser may accuse the victim of flirting with someone else or having an affair.

Stalking – Defined – Showing up at work, to ‘just visit’. Driving by your home. Showing up uninvited ‘just to check on you’. contenues, unrelenting

Possesiveness – Defined – Not allowing you to talk to other members of the same gender. You can not go out with friends alone. You need to tell where you are at all times

Threats – Defined – If you leave this will happen. If you dont do this I will break up with you. If you ever leave me, I will kill myself. ( I have had personal experience with this)

Sources :

Abuse – A Series

EDIT: If you have a comment feel free to leave it with an anonymous name, or add questions.

It has come to my attention recently, that, for something beyond my understanding, in 2012 There seems to be a disturbing amount of emotional abuse in relationships. I feel like we are going backwards, or maybe as a younger person I was simply more un-aware of it. This fallicy of that ‘there is not enough good men in the world’ or ‘not enough good women’ and settling for a low standard of ‘acceptable human’ has become apparent to me.

In this Series, I will try to keep it fairly condensed with a large amount of links to save space and so that you can read what bears relivance to you or those you know. I want to cover a few things:
* Physical abuse – I wont spend a large amount of time on this topic since it is the one that is most taught.
*Emotional abuse – I will tackle this one in depth, This is what has spurred this post
* Sexual Abuse – What DOES count as ‘sexual’ abuse? I hope to clarify that.
* Restriction of freedom – This is a sneaky one that gets slid by a large amount of people
* Destruction of personal property – I am personally interested in learning more about this, since it is not one I am very familar with
* Intimidation – I thought I knew this one, though in breifing and reading about it, This rabbit hole goes further then I suspected
* Abuse of Authority – This one will be a challenge for me…

PTSD & My life (DEEP)

PTSD. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Asscociated with anxiety, depression and panic disorders. More commonly affects women then men. Treatment is therapy. You can attempt to medicate. It never goes away, it just lessens. But can be trigged back up at any time.

I have PTSD. When I was 17 my dad attempted suicide. He had many times (4 others) in my life. This time though, he coded and was hospitalized for 72 hours and then released to in patient mental for 3 weeks.

I have always been terrified of being abandoned. My entire life. Its a major personality flaw. If it took physical harm to myself to make someone stay, I would do it. Burn myself? I’d do it. Pour acid on myself? In a heart beat. Just. Dont. Leave.

This event, made my dad ‘leave’ in a sense. I was in therapy for a year and a half after this, 2 times a week for 6 months, 1 time a week the next six. and every other the remaining six. It made things better. But did not unbreak them.

Day to day, I handle my PTSD and Axiety well. (at least I think so)

I dont have common or frequently occuring triggers. But they are always the same.

* If someone I care about wont answer the phone.

* Being told “oh. sorry. I cant say” and having information with held.

* Ambulences or fire trucks headed in the direction of home when I am not there.

Those three. All three relate directly to when I was 17. Dad didnt answer the phone, Someone got to me before mom and said they couldnt tell me, i had to wait for mom. And there was a multitude of emergency vehicles at the house.

When a trigger gets flipped. Its not just a ‘chill the hell out’ It DOESNT work like that. The lack of air. The shaking. The worst case scenario. The vomiting. It. Doesnt. Stop. Until I KNOW it will be okay. Telling me it is, or will be. No. Thats not going to do it. I have to almost physically be there. It is reason to drive until I have no more gas. A reason to want to hurt myself.

Unless you know what its like. You dont understand.

Its a broken in the pit of my gut. A feeling of being shoved into a dark hall. Its physical illness. Its mental torture. Its crying until I cant cry any more.

The reaction is always as strong. Even if its something no big deal, such as, the end result being, the dog had an accident when I was gone.

If I am not there. I am broken.

I am broke.

I dont know how to fix it. It hurts. It cant be fixed.

Its a feeling of hopeless. It wanting to be rejected by everyone. I want to not be loved in those moments of darkness. I want to be told I am horrible and deserve to be treated as such.

When I am not in a panic attack, I dont want these things. When I am rational. I dont want it.

but right now? I am not rational. Right now, I am broke. Right now, I cant puke anymore.

Fantasy of writing

PROMPT: Fantasy time. Describe your ideal writing setting. Fill it in to the last detail. Perch yourself on a balcony overlooking the Pacific. Snuggle yourself next to a fire in a richly paneled study. When you finish the description, read it with an eye toward patterns and details. Do you prefer an open or a closed place? Light or dark colors? A sense of freedom or safety? Again, no right answers here.
Heffron, Jack (2011-12-15). The Writer’s Idea Book 10th Anniversary Edition: How to Develop Great Ideas for Fiction, Nonfiction, Poetry, and Screenplays (Kindle Locations 644-648). F+W Media, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

12:37:28 PM ‎ 4/‎29/‎2012

Reality of where I write. Where Ever the fancy strikes me 🙂 I have my laptop with me most all of the time. Two days ago (I have done this writing thing three days in a row. I am a nifty person eh?) I wrote in bed with Mack snuggled next to me reading Tom clancy. Yesterday morning I wrote on my Grandparents back purch. The squirrels where running around, and to be truthful had me slightly (very) concerned about a viscous attack on my toes. Today, it is 12:41. I was reading ‘Never look away:A thriller.’ by Linwood Barclay. I am about 83% into it and likely will finish it on the rest of the car ride back to kansas city. or at least today. Iwill stay away until it is finished! So, as I said, today a I am writing someoplace on hwy7 in mid missouri, in my car as my husband drives.

I also enjoy writing in busy Cafe’s and restaraunts where there is LOADS of people and chattering.

The Fantasy of where I want to write: I suppose this varys greatly on if I am using paper and a pen, or a computer. As I explored previously, My trust in paper and pen has been hurt deeply in the past. I feellike since I can password lock my computer and hide files, that at least, it is semi safe This is likely a false sense of security however. Iknow the FBI can have there way no matter WHAT! For the intent of this prompt I will say I am using the laptop. But for the purpose of this fantasy (Its MY world. I can do what I want!) pretend that I write in a leather back journal with a pentagram and earth on the front. The pages are un finished and rough, unbleached as well. I write with a feather pen from some random bird. A raven is my victim this time. I use blackberrys for ink. (Romantic isnt it…) We are out in the wilderness and I have on leather sandels tied on by strings (imangine native earth style if you will), in a light red leather. I have on a petal light green skirt, my top is a bodice style with one shoulder made of leaves and animal hide (rabbit as its most plentiful). Hair pulled back in natural tiny dreads down to mid back. Snuggled inside the curve of a HUGE pine tree, the largest amongst the forest. So many in fact, that as you run, prance and pad about there cushon of pine needles fallen, makes your steps silent. Only slivers of light creep through the branches and needles above, but there is still eonugh to offer a general glow of light. The rabbits bounce through the leaves as I weave my tales of thoughts, wit, prose and novel. Occasionally a fellow nymph or fae prances through the woods to visit as I live in my part of the wood.