I dont wanna stay, I dont wanna fall, I dont wanna lose it all

I dont wanna stay
I dont wanna fall
I dont wanna lose it all – Needtobreathe

17 days until the move date. Yay! and BOOOOOO

I’ve never moved away to a new town. Presumably a new town where we will stay and raise kids.
The last few weeks here, I have taken time to drive the ‘long way home’ . The time to drive by the old buildings Ive watched beomce older and fall apart more. Make a note to show china the tree growing out of the top of the grain silo. I take every gravel road SLOWLEY that as a teen I drove so fast on that my car would slide.
Drive past and point out where I was in my first car accident. Visit the corner that my first dog Secret was dumped on. Walk by her grave in my parents yard again.
Relish the feeling of turning LEFT onto 152 hwy, like i did for 6 years going to northland acadamy. Ive driven by the church that was Northland. The building that I met my husband in.
I said good bye to the pastor I’ve grown up with the last 7 years, in the church I got married. He too is moving away. I wont be here to meet the new pastor, Ill have to meet him when I come and visit. This week I stepped inside my church doors, the last time I will step inside them on a sunday as a resident of this area. Next time, I will be a resident from Springfield, Mo. A visitor.

My church. Though I dont hold a large amount of the same values I did when I grew up, That is the place that formed my belief in higher power. The place that I went to youth group for highschool. I laughed, I played, I cried. The congrigation that has watched me grow from age 8 until age 23. A congrigation that has gone thorugh so much with my family.

Saturday, I will have a going away party. With people that for my life, i have been able to drive a short distance to see. 3-4 hours still isnt a long distance but it wont be everyday, every week, or likely, every month. Trips back to KC will be eventful in hopes to see all those important.
Sunday, I will drive my animals down to mid missouri, where my rats will live, and Jayden will go to live with Becca and Tim for a few years until we have a place that he will be able to come. Life will be quite without my JayJay. He is two now. He has lived with us since august of 2010. Jayden is our fur kid, the child Mack and Myself do not have yet. Jayden is sarcastic, like us, and has a greta sense of humor. His favorite past times are coughing, farting and self praise when he does somethign you shold OBVIOUSLY be proud of. “Good boy Jayden *kiss kiss*”

All in all, I think in my head that I am ready for this move. I think I am excited. And I likely will be. But once its a been a month down here, and a irealize that instead of staying home I need to find new groups and new freinds, then it will be difficult.

I hope my social abilities in making friends prove true here. That i can make new friends as great as the ones i have made. Who knows what page is un turned, what leaf left un discovered. Thus is the road yet untraveled. A road that lays before me, long, winding, and unknown. I can’t even see to the horizon to know that its going to all be okay yet.

I trust in myself and my husband as well as all great powers above. Hold us close to your heart, keep up protected. Find favor in us and may we share as much laughter and joy here as we have in Kansas City.

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One thought on “I dont wanna stay, I dont wanna fall, I dont wanna lose it all

  1. Bill Thecat (jon) says:

    You are incredible. We are all going to miss seeing you as often as we have.

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