Why I perform

 

 

I chose the word perform for this title over ‘act’ or ‘actress’. Because I feel I do so much more then simply ‘act’ I am a versitil performer.

I can perform scripted plays.
I can improve.

I can dance.

I can historically reenact.

I can become who I am in truth, or who I want to be.

I can write a story spanning an entire life time or a character from my mind.

 

 

I perform because no matter how crummy my day has been up to the moment I step on stage. The instant my foot hits my area, I am who I am. It doesnt matter any more. I am free. I am silly, ditzy and clueless.  I live in the dirt with my very best friend Icky.

 

I walk off stage, I wash my face (or I may not and go out in public anyway… OOPS) and I am myself again.

 

Why do I do it? At times I feel, simply because I know nothing else. It has been a part of my life since I was 3. I was in my first major production at 4, Little Orphan Annie.

Acting became the breath inside my lungs, and the beating of my heart in 2011. It turned into what coarsed through my veins. I became a member of KCRF. It is not a ‘hobby’ it is life blood. I want nothing more on the week of a parade, then for it to be parade day. I have never felt so alive then I do for that simple few hours. My face hurts from laughing. I am on a high like nothing else. My ego could be biger then the world could hold. I wouldnt trade it for the world.

 

So this week, today specifically. In which I am so worn ut fro opening week this past week. That all I dream of doing is sleeping? I will be going to monday night dinner to see my family. To see the people I live in dirt lanes with.

 

 

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Things that I struggle with (yeah, its kind of sappy)

I struggle with feeling worth, I feel like because I am bad at school, that I can’t have a job of value.

I have issues with people pleasing, I will run myself sick and near death to make someone happy. If I can do ANYTHING (no matter how foolish) to make someone what I think, happy, I will do it. I am a sucker for knowing I am the cause of a smile. Really, its not a good trait. It gets me in trouble.

I hurt when I am told things like “well, if you where skinnier you might be able to…” insert stupid crap here. It hurts to not feel like people think I am attractive (yeah, its shallow, I know). The answer “youre married, it shouldnt matter” sucks as an answer as well.

I want desperatly to be a mom, I know its normal, but I am frustrated with my body (no lectures needed here please and thanks)

I hate that the world makes it near impossible for a woman to stay at home.

I feel like I am a ‘bad person’ often, because I feel like the things I CARE about, are stupid and I should worry about things more important.

Did I mention I am a people pleaser?

I feel like I am not a good enough writer, because I obviously dont have a job as a journalist (my dream job)

Bleeding Ink

Feel my words as they pour,
from my finger tips
I bleed tie dye, I bleed ink
Peace love and words
Follow my dancing fingers this day

My little emerald eye surprise
A story behind her eyes
A tale of woe and un-imaginable joy
Pain that has bled, darkness not hindered

Talented in english
Speaking the language of a heart

Flighting through the grass
Barefeet as dirty as they may be
Watch her dreams, Jump to fly through the mind
Roll in the grass, pollen faced child

An emerald eyed surprise
Earth child behind those eyes
giggling bubbling laughter
Shiny steel skin adorations

Poetry as it pours
off my finger tips
Tie me up, I still have my words
Daydreaming in black and white

3/2/12 – age 23 Onikah Dawn

The value of being wanted


In religion it is discussed often the need to feel wanted. It is often discussed how God (or the higher power) will always make you feel wanted. However there is something to that missing. As evidenced by suicide rates in the united states alone, “Suicide in the United States is the 11th leading cause of death in the country. In 2006, the total number of suicide deaths was 33,300. It was the 7th leading cause of death for males, and 16th leading cause of death for females. Suicide was the third leading cause of death for young people ages 15 to 24.” {Cited from Wikipedia} . Why is it that it carries SUCH a high rate? If truly, simple belief that you are wanted, you are important was all that was needed, Wouldnt there be DRASTICALLY less deaths?

Depression, which often accompanyies suicide, is often times, a hormonal imbalance in the brain that can be treated with medications. It is not simply going to reslve its self though, and sometimes even councling or behavoral thereapy is important.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/23/health/23mind.html

Citing the need for human touch in the article abouve it leads a person to question, How hard IS it to assure that someone feels wanted? Is it something as simple as “I thought of you today” or that you wished to visit with them? Perhaps nothing more then a hug, or a touch on the arm.
I DARE suggest that everyone strive to do this more often, even if it takes no more of your time them a memo on facebook saying “Thought of you today”. Or an exsuberant hug upon first sight, and since I am a hugger, maybe three more for good measure. Interestingly enough, even a kiss on the cheek can do MUCh for a self confidence. In many contrys, this is custom.

At ren. Fair there is entire classes/workshops fopcused on the ‘flirting and wooing’ taught by Maestro. In this class he pushes for one to understand tha it does NOT have to be sexual intent, simply to make that person feel wanted and valued. (and boy do I blush!) One should seek to ‘woo’ so much so that even the woman (or man) at the drive through that handed you yoru soda, feels valued at the close of your brief interaction.

So today, and from here out, I challenge you to push yoruself out of a box, flirt, woo and contact. Put forth effort into making another human feel wanted. Because sadly, More often then not, you may not realize that someone you think very highly of, doesnt even know you value them.